My net worth grew by 10% in 2021.
006 – What Gets Measured
A measure of self worth
In 2021, I measured my self worth in dollars.
I defined myself by my salary. My net worth was my self worth. My salary wasn’t much, so I wasn’t worth much.
As a person, I wasn’t just worth less – I was worthless.
I was possessed by the idea. I calculated exactly how much I was worth, down to the dollar.
It wasn’t much. (I hated myself for that.)
I calculated it every week, seeing no real progress (and hating myself for that).
After three months, I abandoned it, hating myself.
The lingering lack-of-progress dogged me for the remaining 9 months of 2021, until yesterday, when I recalculated again, and found that I had increased my net worth by 10%.
Month-to-month, it felt like nothing. I didn’t really do much — just save a little.
But it all added up. Twelve months of nearly nothing — 0.8% is less than 1%, close to nothing — tiny steps added up to 10%.
It’s like they say, Consistency over intensity. It all adds up.
Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” — Will Durant
More than worth
It also feels like a macabre interpretation of self-worth, to measure my life in dollars — and in Singapore Dollars, at that.
Net worth doesn’t describe all the skills and learnings I picked up this year. It doesn’t begin to count how much time I spent with people, all the laughs and joy, all the positive moments and negative moments.
It doesn’t describe the effort I spent in coaching session trying to figure out a plan for my life, asking difficult questions, making commitments to detach my self-worth from my net worth.
It doesn’t describe the emotions I wrangled in therapy sessions, trying to understand more of why I feel sad all the time, trying to rewrite my story, understanding myself.
I feel like 10% doesn’t quite describe the growth I’ve felt this year.
Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes
How do you measure? Measure a year?
Rent, Seasons of Love
I’ve been taking care of myself. Making sure I eat and sleep and work out right. Watching for intrusive thoughts. Trying to learn from mistakes. And stoking my own warmth and kindness.
Someone called me warm this year, and it was a label I wanted to take brand myself with. It was a direction I wanted to grow in.
It feels like a valuable valuation.
What gets measured gets managed.
How are you measuring yourself?
Weekly Stat Block (Dec 2021)
🟤 CON – Physical Health
- Running felt amazing. I went for two runs this week — shorter than my usual, slower than my usual, but damn if it didn’t feel good to run.
Midway through my first run, I felt a real pang of hunger grip me. Every cell in my body screamed out for protein.
It was an animal craving from deep in my consciousness. If I saw an antelope I would have chased it down and butchered it with teeth and fingernails. It felt good to eat, too.
I also went back to the gym – slowly, carefully, not breaking or straining any limbs for now. - It’s easier to wake up early if I go to bed earlier. I’m trying to take care of sleep hygiene with dimming the lights (thanks Lesley!), but I’m still browsing reddit in bed.
🟠 CHA – Relationships
- I spent Christmas playing board game with friends. I couldn’t have asked for a better gift.
- I’m also reaching out to plan outings. That’s great.
🟢 DEX – Cash
- I did my net worth calculation, which felt like a nice reward and acknowledgement of my choices.
If anything, though, it encouraged me to spend less money and get even more aggressive about increasing my net worth.
I also did the adult thing of reaching out for insurance quotes. It’s easy to put off with work, but it’s part of the struggle.
🟣 WIS – Spiritual Wellness
- I always feel like I never did any work — and yet, in writing this, I realised that’s not true. I never do no work, my instinct is to keep working, but it’s not well-documented and well-tracked and I definitely don’t give myself enough credit.
🔴 STR – Mental Strength
- I did some fooling around with Notion and Task Management this week. I think one problem might be the way I approach things – between Notion, the Do Work journal and a Muji calendar, there may just be too many things in too many places.
I really like planning on paper and I trust it, but it feels like I need to replicate it on digital calendars for full effectiveness (and proper reminders.
🔵 INT – Work
- Haven’t started.
⚫ LUCK – Luck
- I make my own luck. I happen to things, things don’t happen to me.