A continuation from an earlier microblog: μ: Failure and Humility, and μ: Failure II
The first of September brought with it a new failure. At 7:30 am on a pleasant Sunday Morning, I got a rejection for a job application filed barely 2 days ago. This, while working through day 3 of a 4-day take-home assignment I barely know 2 out of 6 questions of.
I think each blow lands heavier than the last, because I carry the weight with me. All my past failures, all the horrific self-deprecation, self-criminations and self-loathing.
All self-inflicted.
Okay, I failed. I failed again, and I failed in a series of compounding failures. I don’t need to carry this weight. I will allow myself the 11am rule: I’m allowed to whine until the next morning, 11am.
But then I go back into the grind. What can I do? I can accumulate more failures until I succeed or I die; until it kills me. I lost nothing but hope, but I used to have unbelievable belief, and I can find new hope.